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  He didn’t know how to respond to her sudden outburst and when her voice quieted, tiny pricks of heat started in his eyes.

  “Don’t belittle what and who you are.”

  Her passion warmed even the coldest recesses of his soul.

  She turned away jerkily, placing the plate on his desk before she swung back to face him. “I know you also underwent genetic therapy, cutting edge and unheard of beforehand, so that the differences weren’t so noticeable, affecting a change to both your eye color and skin tones, and possibly other internal organs and musculature systems. You want to belong, and I want that for you. But in order to do so, you need to allow yourself to be what you are. Who you are, deep inside. Until you do that, you will always feel like an outsider to some extent.” Her voice softened. “And I like who you are.” She rose on tiptoe and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Now, pass me a denta-tab and let’s get up to the bridge before they start without us.”

  He did so wordlessly, thinking about her words and the passion in them. She made him feel like he belonged. A dangerous thought, he conceded, but one he wanted to accept at face value.

  She grabbed his hand, dragging him through the doorway and along the corridor. Together they made their way to the bridge, silent except for the sound of their feet clanking on the decking, ready to witness the union of Jemma and Raven. The time they traveled in quiet hyperspace was the perfect opportunity for a communing ceremony. He felt buoyant and happy for the first time in...well, he couldn’t actually remember when he had ever felt quite like this.

  Both Raven and Jemma waited on the bridge, smiling, for the friends and family that made up the crew of the Elector to gather around them. Meredith had shown surprise that neither had chosen to wait for Raven’s family, but they both explained they felt those most important to them were present already.

  During the ceremony, Meredith dabbed discretely at tears as they made their commitment before Duvall. Chowd offered her a cloth to wipe her tears, feeling pleased that two of his friends had found a profound love, one he would probably never experience. A section of his chest ached at the realization that he’d found a temporary surcease from his loneliness with Meredith. Even so, he had to work hard not to rub at the physical pain that came with the thought that, one day, even that brief but satisfying connection would end.

  He cast away his negative thoughts. They didn’t belong there today.

  Today was a day to celebrate, even after the incident from the night before. He knew Duvall, Raven, and Jemma had discussed postponing the ceremony. In the end, everyone had agreed that given they were in hyperspace and that there was a brief period of quiet, it was the best time for it to take place until after they’d finished the negotiations.

  So the ceremony continued as planned, and afterward, the senior crew retired to Duvall’s office, the ambassador having cried off, citing his distress at the death of his assistant.

  Chowd had found the woman cloying, but he understood the feeling of loss, and he empathized with the ambassador and understood his need to retreat. Today they had celebrated a joyous occasion, and no one could find anything in his absence to concern them or dampen the mood.

  * * * *

  In the hours since the celebration, Meredith worked at the desk screen, her eyes now dry and achy from the strain of reading glyphs that appeared on the shining monitor, while the recycled air dried the sensitive tissues. She stretched her back, thinking longingly of the conformable seat in her office on Aenna. She loved the work of cryptology and translations, the working of algorithms, and the quick thinking, but the long hours and constant mental requirements were sometimes physically exhausting. The Admiralty had made efforts to meet the needs of its specialist staff with careful choices of furnishings in the offices. Those comforts were sadly lacking on the Elector.

  She tugged at her ear in frustration. The glyph in front of her made no sense. She shouldn’t have trouble decoding this one. She’d seen it before but couldn’t remember where or when. I have a sneaking suspicion this one has passed me by somewhere, making the meaning incomplete.

  “You’ll pull it off doing that.”

  Meredith jumped. “Chowd, you startled me! Don’t do that again,” she snapped, and instantly regretted her reaction. “Oh, stars! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snarled like that. I just can’t see the logical progression here.” She scrubbed her hand across her aching eyes once more.

  “Want me to have a look?” He peered over her shoulder.

  Meredith’s hand dropped as she turned in the seat. He had a tick in his left cheek, and his full lips firmed while he scrolled the screen through the images.

  “There.” He pointed to the glyph that had irritated her earlier.

  “That one? It’s one I don’t know.”

  He looked at her, an eyebrow raised and a slight smile kicking up the corner of his mouth. “You should. It’s Chowd.”

  “Oh my...then he knows you are aboard.” Her hand touched the screen, tracing over the glyph. She opened her mouth to command it to find all such glyphs, but before she could say a word, he moved his hand in front of the screen, obscuring her view.

  “No. You need to eat and sleep. Not necessarily in that order though. You haven’t slept properly since the ambassador boarded.” He placed a tender hand under her elbow, levering her to a standing position. “And I noticed your discomfort, so perhaps you’ll forgive me being so forward.” He smiled, softening the impact of his words. But she knew it was a caring command, making her insides turn gooey at the warm feeling curling through her once more.

  “Then just let me sync this and I’ll head along to the cabin with you.” She gave the command and watched the download progression. It beeped once, letting her know the task had concluded. Meredith gave a final lock command on the information she had decoded and stepped away from the desk. “Okay, let’s go.”

  They moved slowly out of the security section and into the corridor, the silence between them companionable. Neither touched the other, but she remained hyperaware of his closeness, the brush and sighing sounds his uniform gave, as well as the distance between them.

  He opened the door to his cabin. “Would you like to change?” he asked as the door shut behind them. He seemed uncertain again in the way he stood back.

  “Well, yes, a shower and changing would be nice.” She grinned and stepped closer, inhaling his musky scent. “But first I would like to do something else.” She laid her hands on his shoulders, reaching up to kiss him fully on the mouth.

  He groaned and opened to her, and she felt the almost familiar spurt of pleasure, letting him deepen the kiss this time. His arms surrounded her, and she felt the heat of passion once more rising within her. Triumph that she’d taught him this roared through her system. Chowd’s mouth left her lips to travel to her throat, and she arched against him, allowing him access to the soft skin, feeling the throb between her legs as blood rushed like a wildfire through her veins.

  “Chowd, I love the way you touch me.”

  He pulled away slightly. Desire glittered in his hooded eyes, and she shivered with anticipation once more. He reached for the buttons on the front of her suit.

  His communicator blared into the heavy silence. “Barsha!” He thumped his hand against the communicator. “Chowd.” The fog of arousal slipped away, though she noted the ruddy glow of frustration staining his high cheeks.

  “We’re about to have dinner in the mess. Want to join us?” Duvall’s voice filled the air, and a bubble of laughter rose in her throat, one she quickly contained. If only he knew what he had interrupted.

  Chowd cast a questioning glance toward her, and she nodded. The mood had dissolved...for now. “Tell him I just need to change first,” she threw over her shoulder as she headed for the room beyond.

  She listened to the undertone of his voice through the wall as she mentally sifted and sorted through the few clothes she had brought with her. Perhaps the black exercise pants which hug my figure? No,
they make me look too much like a boy. What about the pale-blue ship pants and its matching top?

  She stopped in her tracks. Worrying about clothes hadn’t ever been important before. She’d always risen above those sorts of discussions in school and later at the Academy. It had always seemed so much more important to carve her career with Admiralty and follow in her brother’s footsteps.

  Meredith bit her lip as she considered this unsettling development. Sure, underwear had been a guilty secret, her longing for lace and soft fabrics close to her skin, but outerwear? She shook her head. No. This wasn’t the normal her. She sighed, reaching for the fastenings on her uniform and stripping down. Meredith grabbed the blue outfit before tossing it to the bed and finding the light-colored shoes she had packed for non-working hours to team with them.

  It would do, but she needed to break herself out of this thought pattern before it became a habit. Knowing that she currently suffered from such confusing emotions and vacillating behavior scared her...a lot.

  She turned in just bra and panties to see Chowd backing away as quickly as he had obviously entered the dark room.

  “I’ll just give you some privacy.”

  She grinned at his discomfort. He’s still so innocent. “Chowd Sturat Sur Banden, aren’t you intending to change?”

  “Well, yes, but...” The heated glow on his cheekbones returned.

  “Then hurry up.”

  A sheepish expression spread over his face. “I thought you might want to change privately. I was respecting your need for—”

  For the first time a spurt of irritation welled. “Well, I don’t. We’re more than just a casual one-night sex fling thing...aren’t we?”

  His startled look answered her question, but he needed to say it just as much as she suddenly needed to hear it. “Of course, Meredith...” His words trickled away.

  “Then for the time we are together, unless I specifically ask, you don’t need to leave when I change. This is what lovers do.”

  He gave her a grave nod. “Yes.”

  Meredith dropped down to sit on the bed and enjoy the view as he dressed. His nudity didn’t seem to worry him, and that pleased her. He’s a man of many contradictions.

  Chowd grabbed clothes without any seeming concern for style or cut and pulled them on quickly. Happily, she noted he wore no underwear again, and a shiver of arousal zipped through her system. It could quickly become a normal aspect of her nature around him, she thought with a silent giggle. After he dressed, Chowd held out his hand, and she rose to take it.

  They left the darkened room behind and moved out of the office, heading toward the mess. Meredith grinned, knowing Duvall may or may not understand the connection of the clasped hands immediately, but Jemma, Mellissa, and Elara certainly would.

  Chapter 6

  The soft rumble of Chowd’s breathing beneath Meredith’s ear woke her, and she smiled. “I could get used to this.”

  In the three days since the communing of Jemma and Raven, she and Chowd had slowly worked at finding their way forward as a couple. Of course, neither of them would let this connection impact their roles within the Elector and Admiralty, but something definitely continued growing between them, blossoming in the midst of a dangerous mission. She knew Duvall had noticed, judging by the slight narrowing of his eyes when they joined the other members of the crew for supper after the ceremony and afterward at the informal reception.

  If it hadn’t irked so much, she would probably laugh it off, but with this—she hesitated to think of it as a relationship just yet—thing budding between them, she remained protective of the growing connection and of Chowd. She nearly groaned at the introspective psychobabble but realized that would wake the man lying beside her, so she kept her response to eye rolling.

  Since then, she’d worked studiously, decoding the messages they had intercepted just before the attack and decrypting the information they had found on the Alpha Star Colony. Meanwhile Chowd made plans, trained with his men, and pored through layouts of the station where they would protect the ambassador during the talks.

  Meredith rolled onto her back carefully, and Chowd shuffled forward, moving closer to her. She grinned, though it quickly died away as she realized that, even in his sleep, he needed the reassurance of her touch. That alone drove her anger at Crick Sur Banden to great heights.

  With careless disregard, he’d damaged Chowd’s ability to trust and accept any sort of relationship at face value. Of course, there was the underlying hatred for his actions, the murder of thousands of innocents, but she could also lay that claim at the feet of the Ru’Edan Senate prior to the ceasefire that occurred long ago. On the other hand, humans had also acted in what some considered a predatory manner. No one side is better or more in the right than another.

  With great effort, Meredith cleared her mind, letting go of the tension that had invaded her body. She lay still, enjoying the warmth and silence, releasing muscles that had tensed in painful knots along her arms, legs, and even shoulders. She savored the closeness, knowing it would only last until the alarm trilled.

  “Meredith?” Chowd’s voice, groggy with sleep, startled her slightly, and she turned to see his eyes open.

  “Hey.”

  “Everything okay?” His hand moved to her shoulder, tracing lazy circles.

  “Yeah, just thinking.” She smiled, hoping he wouldn’t see the shadow of dark thoughts in her eyes. The lights brightened a little, and the buzz of the alarm filled the air. She released the breath she had held onto, listening to the hiss as it escaped between her clenched teeth.

  “Want to tell me what the problem is?” His eyes burned into the center of her head as if he could read her thoughts.

  “It’s nothing, really. Just nervous about the trip, I guess.”

  He frowned slightly. Meredith reached for the sheet, ready to slip out of the bed, but his hand gripped her wrist. “I thought lovers told the truth.” His low and intense voice shocked her, and she realized the truth of his words.

  “You’re right. Of course you are.” She turned, feeling vulnerable deep inside. “I hate that he made you distrusting. Constantly questioning and feeling like you need to keep your distance from everyone. It’s wrong. Everything he did to you was so—” Her ire rose with each word, hands clasped before her as she looked at him, her own voice becoming more high-pitched. “—evil. And when we should be looking for him to shut him down, we’re babysitting an ambassador.”

  Meredith winced and closed her eyes, not hiding her pain but fearful he would think less of her for the outburst and tone of her thoughts.

  At the touch of his hand, the framing of her face, she opened her eyes. The softness in his gaze turned her insides warm and gooey. The absence of anger in his face gave her a measure of comfort, and she marveled at his ability to cast away his painful memories.

  “The fact that you care enough to feel so much anger warms me, Meredith. Makes me feel alive, and even more importantly, makes me feel valued in a way I have never before experienced.” He came closer, the soft whisper-touch of his lips on hers burning with an intensity.

  Her body began to shake, her heart rate speeding up, but he pulled away and shared a soft smile. Her heart turned over, and she understood finally. I love him. With all his issues, he’s the one man I want to live with forever.

  A sense of wonder filled her, and she reached shaking fingers to hold his hand in place alongside her face. She nuzzled at the long fingers and turned to kiss them.

  “We need to rise, Meredith.” His fingers pulled away slightly before lightly touching her brow, feathering along the sides of her eye, and she nodded. He stopped her movements as she started to turn away. “But I need to tell you that I value you. Your independence. Your fiery defense of me. Your passion.” He leaned in and warmed her with a quick kiss.

  Chowd rose, his firm, taut body nude in the partial light, the planes and dips shadowed before her gaze, and she felt the now-familiar tug of arousal deep in her be
lly.

  “Come on, sleepy. Time to get up.” He grinned, and she pulled the sheet back, clambering out of the bed she now thought of as theirs.

  She rooted around the pile of clothing on the small chair at the end of the bed. “I’m going to need to do some washing,” she muttered, pulling on her last clean set of underwear, a wispy pink bra and matching panty set, before tugging on her uniform.

  “I need to do some as well. After our shift, we can go down and put some in together if you would like,” he murmured over her shoulder, and she had a mental vision of the two of them sorting colors and whites.

  The thought of such a mundane task taking on an intimate slant had Meredith turning quickly to capture his mouth in a quick kiss.

  “What was that for?”

  “For being you, for giving me a mental picture of the two of us seeing to everyday, mundane tasks.” She grabbed his hand, needing to anchor herself once more. “Now come on, I need a coffee and I’m starved.”

  Meredith hauled him into the office where the small tray he had set up the night before waited for them to break their fast. There they poured steaming hot coffee into mugs and snapped up small pastries.

  “Meredith?”

  She turned at the uncertainty in his voice.

  “I know this sounds absurd, but I’d really like you to resume your combat training with some of my people. Something about this mission feels off, and I’d just feel safer if I was certain your skills were current. I know Duvall raised it, but we haven’t followed through. That bothers me. More than it should. Please?”

  Never before had it seemed so important to put anyone’s mind to rest with the results of her training activities, but he mattered in so many ways. She, too, felt that level of anxiety, so it was easy to nod her assent. “Yes. I actually considered talking to you about that anyway, so it won’t be any hardship.”

  He nodded, and some of the anxiety in his face bled away.