The Star of Ishtar Read online

  One step forward and three steps back. He’d be on his guard now, she mused, all the while inwardly kicking herself. She should have known he would react like that. The big brother syndrome raised its head every time she thought to move this relationship forward into new territory, and this time she had let those emotions loose, albeit unwittingly.

  “Are you enjoying the meal?” Duvall asked, interrupting her introspection.

  “Honestly?” she asked. He quirked an eyebrow, and she frowned and leaned forward. “Not really. I keep thinking about... Well, let’s just say, if he runs any further, he’d probably be back on Earth.” Her whispered words were echoed in the slump of her shoulders.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.” She turned back to her plate and speared the food on it with her fork. She didn’t really want it. In fact, she’d rather be back in her cabin, nursing the jagged hole that had opened in her heart. She knew others enjoyed the food with its lovely presentation, but she might as well have eaten nutrient bars for all the enjoyment she felt.

  Grayson kept glancing at her, and she tried to figure out a way to let him know she hadn’t found his kiss unwelcome. The only thing that came to mind was actually saying the words aloud. But she couldn’t do that in the present company, no matter how urgently she felt the need to clear the air. Her fingers tightened on the fork she held. Her mind tumbled around the possibilities, but nothing helped her.

  She sighed inwardly, before moving restlessly in her seat as she tried to work through her options in her mind. She knew that the longer the words remained unsaid, the harder it would be to say them.

  Then she had to pull herself back to the discussion at hand, turning to answer a question from a fellow officer about her experiences in the Admiralty.

  Once the meal ended, the captain excused her on grounds of her experience in the elevator, and she wasn’t surprised when Duvall chose to accompany her back to the cabin.

  “So, he dodged it, huh?” Duvall said as they left the dining room.

  Elara shrugged. “You knew he would.”

  They walked silently down the deck, making their way toward a set of stairs. No way would she do the elevator thing again tonight, and she felt an absurd pleasure that Duvall had intuited that. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Elara stopped abruptly, turning toward Duvall.

  She inhaled sharply. “I messed up again with him, you know.” Her smile wavered, and she felt tears gathering behind her stinging eyes.

  “I got that impression.” He smiled, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve seen him back off quite so quickly before.” His expression softened, and he gave her a quick, hard hug. When he pulled away, his eyes were full of understanding.

  “I kissed him. In the elevator. Well, technically he kissed me.” She dropped her gaze. “I wanted it as much as he did, but then he backed off.” She shrugged.

  “By Eshra! You didn’t. Did you?” He looked at her intently, a hint of a smile ghosting around his lips.

  “Yeah. I think it scared him because I backed away to see his face and he probably thought I didn’t want it.” She shook her head. “Dumb, wasn’t it? Barsha. I’ve wanted this for years. Now I get the chance, and I blow it.” Her heart weighed heavy, feeling like a rock in her chest at the thought she’d wasted her chance. Her eyes closed against the welling of tears.

  “The stupid thing...” He stopped the words, and she looked at him, waiting, “Well...it’s not really for me to say.” A sigh erupted, and for a second she saw the weariness in his features. It hurt to know she had added to her friend’s worries. “Elara, you really need to get it together. For both your sakes. Either you’re in or out. I mean, it’s bad for the ship, but it’s worse for you.” Duvall shook his head as if unable to comprehend their stalemate. With a twist of his lips, he shrugged his shoulders, then continued walking. She watched him, one step, and another.

  “Duvall?”

  He stopped and turned back.

  “Does he want me? Really?” The words erupted before she could stop them.

  He looked surprised, his dark eyes wide with shock, then a smile moved over his face. “That’s a question you need to ask him.”

  His eyes, which had just twinkled, now filled with compassion, and she bit her lip and nodded. She shouldn’t have put Duvall in that position. She thanked him silently for not answering. As much as she might need the answer, this wasn’t right. Putting Duvall in the middle was cowardly, and she refused to allow herself to take that option.

  Elara sighed glumly. “You’re right, of course. I need to take this by the horns.” She firmed her shoulders. “What shift is he on tomorrow?”

  “He’s on early. Same as you.” He backed off at a million miles an hour, and she smiled. Something in his eyes betrayed his fear of commitment and being anywhere near someone looking for one. He always said watching one couple go down with the commitment bug gave other people ideas. This sexy, handsome, and well-built friend of hers didn’t want anything to do with long-term and commitment.

  She focused her mind on the task ahead. So Grayson had the early shift tomorrow, just like she did? Duvall had a serious problem with commitment, but maybe, just maybe, she could use his fear of commitment to her advantage. After all, Grayson knew his stand on relationships and wouldn’t expect Duvall to be in on her plan. It would lull him into a false sense of security. Right now, any advantage would be welcome.

  Poor Duvall, he really did have issues with women and commitment. Her assessing glance at Duvall died away as she thought of her friend facing a similar situation sometime in the future. His turn would come, and she looked forward to seeing it happen. But first, she needed to get her man.

  “Right then, time for a direct plan of action, I think.” Elara watched a frown form between his eyes as the kernel of a plan grew in her mind. It was time to bring out the whole arsenal, and now was her opportunity. She had let this continue for years, and it was time to take control and beat the situation into submission. She followed Duvall to her door. “So, what happens for entertainment around here?”

  He looked at her, the change of topic clearly surprising him, and she grinned.

  “You see, I heard of this thing they used to do centuries back, and it seems like a great idea.” Quickly, she outlined her plan, and he nodded.

  “We need some new ideas, and that sounds like fun. I’ll see what we can do about it.”

  “How about tomorrow?” She spoke the words softly, and he looked at her, nodded, then turned. She watched him walk away. Yes, she was definitely on a roll.

  Chapter 3

  Elara stretched at her desk. The first full day in the seat had mainly required her to overview the files of the previous ST. Unsurprisingly, she found them concise, including follow-up details where required.

  “Well, that could have been a lot harder.” She spoke quietly while she cleared her desk, her loose hair bobbing around her shoulders. The previous ST could be described as ruthlessly organized, and that made for an easier transition for everyone.

  She glanced at the time on the corner of her desk screen. She would pack up in a few minutes and head back to her cabin to freshen up and change into something a little more comfortable and definitely more interesting.

  She made a final notation on the desk screen about the files she had perused. Among the current makeup of the crew, she found no significant and ongoing conditions, the situation quite different from her previous experience. The long-term health center now lay empty, with any serious injuries cases transferred to the main medical facility on Aenna upon arrival at their dock.

  Only one minor incident had occurred since boarding: a broken arm that had been immediately set and a bone regenerator employed. She had discharged the unlucky recipient to his cabin, and the suite had regained its calm silence.

  She checked the time again. Nineteen hundred hours. She supposed she should make her way to the cabin then the officer’s mess. She’d just stood up when the
chimes on her door sounded.

  “Yes?”

  “Grayson here. Can we talk?”

  She gave the command for the door to open, and he stepped inside. The door closed behind him. He looked uncomfortable, and she smiled. Time to implement the first step of her plan—surprise him with her talents and abilities.

  His blond hair looked disheveled, as if he’d had a long and stressful day. Her imagination hit overdrive as she looked at him, imagining her hands spearing through his hair. She wanted to grab him and kiss those luscious lips and taste him once more. The urge to wind her arms around his muscular neck and trace her fingers over his strong, supple body called to her, but she held herself still.

  You’re a senior officer aboard the Ishtar and this is work time. Besides, she couldn’t afford to spook him further. But the wild thumping in her heart as desire sparked once more told her she could only hold onto restraint for so long. She worked to contain it and herself.

  “Have a seat.” She indicated the seat opposite her with a hand and sat back down behind her desk. She would control herself, she reminded her body savagely.

  “Thanks, Elara. Look, about yesterday...” His words trailed off. A red tide of embarrassment rose over his cheeks, and he squirmed in his seat. She reined in the urge to soothe his feelings.

  “Yeah, yesterday, that was wild.” She nodded sagely. Maybe she could allow a little latitude given he’d opened the topic. “Do you know you’re a great kisser?”

  He blinked and tilted his head to the side.

  Elara silently congratulated herself on seeing the surprise on his face. She needed him to see that she was willing to deepen their relationship. Maybe she could also upset his equilibrium just a little?

  “What?” he said.

  She smiled. Yes, this was definitely the right tack. “Well, I thought you’d like to know that you’re an exceptional kisser.”

  He squirmed again in the seat, his blue eyes staring at her.

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong, the elevator incident reminded me of what has happened, but life goes on regardless of our experiences.” She scooted to the edge of her seat. “I also know you need to make the most of the opportunities you have.” She stilled. Up until now, her voice had lilted, but the time had come to spear him with the truth. “I want to experience those same opportunities. With you.” Her tone changed and became calm and controlled. “I believe yesterday illustrated the fact that we have chemistry that should be investigated.”

  There. She’d hit him between the eyes with her calm and scientific delivery. Let him argue that!

  He looked at her, his mouth gaping. Obviously, no one had ever tried this approach with him before, and she felt a surging thrill of possessiveness.

  Standing slowly, Elara smoothed her uniform over her body, knowing it emphasized her feminine curves to his hungry eyes. She watched as his gaze roamed over her frame. Elara casually sauntered over to him and dropped into the seat beside him, reaching out a hand to his knee and touching him gently.

  She gave him her best come-hither smile before speaking again. “So, how should we go about this?”

  He went red and almost choked. She squelched the sigh and eye roll as he bolted straight up in his chair.

  “That’s okay, we can take it as slow as you need,” she cooed, hoping to soothe him.

  His fingers gripped the chair arms in alarm, his eyes wide and staring at her. He looked so startled, as if he didn’t know how to respond. Oh yes, now she had him ensnared, she could see his mind whirling as it had never done before. She was on target, and by Eshra she would make the most of it.

  “I need to go,” he said in a strangled voice, and without a backward glance, he stood and all but fled from her office.

  She waited for the door to close behind him before allowing herself a brief chuckle of triumph. Round one to Elara, she thought, remembering with fascination his surprise at her behavior. Then she stood up and moved through the door to the corridor. Round two would begin after dinner. She had a partner in crime to line up first.

  * * * *

  Grayson walked the hall, assuring himself he wasn’t running away. Somehow, he’d made it through the meal in his cabin. Being alone hadn’t helped to find his equilibrium.

  “I’m not so sure anything will.” The sight of her smoothing down her uniform... His gut tightened as did his groin. She’d blindsided him, true.

  He felt unable to ignore his feelings for her. Something had changed, because, dammit, he’d had them for a long time, and before now, it had never been so difficult to ignore those hungry emotions.

  His groan filled the air. It went against everything he’d ever believed—that her attachment to him was purely because he’d saved her. In his mind, the question he’d ignored for years arose. If she felt this so-called attraction to him, then why didn’t she react the same way to Duvall?

  Somehow, trying to bring the little girl he remembered into focus was impossible. All he could see now revolved around a riot of curly red hair, luscious lips, and twinkling eyes. Not to mention a body that put the ancient Venus to shame. Elara had curves in all the right places and a wit and gaiety that called to him on so many levels. He ached to hold her close and make her his.

  He shook himself mentally. He had to see Elara as the little sister he never had, he reminded himself. But there was no conviction in his thoughts.

  The memory of the kiss in the elevator scorched him. He’d nearly died and gone to heaven when his lips had touched hers and when she opened her mouth. Dear Eshra! How could he fight against that?

  “I won’t take advantage.” The words sounded thin and forced. No, it was better not to open that Pandora’s box. His best bet was to keep her a friend rather than to lose her for good when she woke up to what she really wanted and found it wasn’t him. His stomach clenched and churned at the loss, but he accepted that she couldn’t be part of his future.

  His commbadge buzzed, and almost afraid, he answered. “Grayson.” He held himself still until he knew who waited on the other end.

  “Hey, man. Where are you? I’m waiting in the mess for you. You coming soon?”

  “I...ah...sure. Be there in about ten.” He really didn’t feel in the mood for socializing, but if he didn’t turn up, it would cause more questions; the sort of questions he knew were better avoided.

  He backtracked past Elara’s office door, flicking a quick look at it, but the red of the palm plate told him the direct door to her office was locked.

  Thankfully, the elevator was empty, and he tried to clear his mind. He needed a clear head when he reached the mess, because his defenses were weak and ineffectual on any other level. It was all he had left. Duvall would know if something was up.

  The door opened with a whoosh. It never occurred to him that Elara would join them, would be waiting with his best friend. With Duvall. She talked, wine glass in hand, smiling and laughing at his words, her eyes shining just the way Grayson wanted them to shine at him, and a tearing pain struck him. Those smiles she should only share with him.

  She had obviously had time to change, and her attire included long, flowing pants and some kind of strappy light top, which more than hinted at the curves of breasts just below the surface. It skimmed her skin, baring her midriff, her skin glowing under the lighting, her hair flowing down her back, curls rioting and kissing skin he desperately wanted to touch. His fingers itched to reach out and slide within the glorious silk cloud.

  The pain in his chest confirmed his fears that he suffered from terminal jealousy. It grabbed him and choked the air from his body, and his throat burned at his petty behavior. He couldn’t have her, but he couldn’t and shouldn’t stop her from experiencing a relationship with someone else. He felt no consolation right now. The new and negative emotion was caustic, stripping away his carefully built walls.

  “Barsha.” The quiet word didn’t dispel the unpleasant sensation.

  His fingers curled as he fought the need to grab Elara, pul
l her to him, and brand her with a scorching kiss so no one would doubt she was his. He held himself still while wrestling with his demons. Others passed by, keeping a wide berth as they noted the scowl on his face.

  Once he was sure he’d controlled his reactions, he stalked toward them, and both Duvall and Elara turned in his direction. Duvall nodded, something glittering in his eyes. Elara smiled at him, an intimate, just-for-you smile, and he felt it like a body blow. His body heated once more, and his restraint nearly crumbled. He took a deep breath, but instead of calming him, the scent of her perfume filled his senses with promises of luscious curves, the heady and rich tones seducing him further.

  “Drink, Grayson?”

  Her throaty words curled around him. It took effort for him to answer normally. “Yeah. Something red.”

  Duvall headed to the bar, returning with a deep ruby wine.

  Grayson inhaled, hoping to lose himself in the bouquet. When that didn’t work, he took a sip. He watched as the halo of red hair shined under the lights, and her beautiful green eyes sparkled in the changing lights of the room. He allowed himself to look at her, see the subtle metallic thread in her top catching the lights and making her sparkle even more, and noted that her nipples stood erect before his gaze. He pulled in a ragged breath before dragging his gaze back up. Her expression softened as if she knew how hard he fought against himself.

  He balled his free hand. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Giving in could never be an option for him. He took another sip of wine, then glanced down at the red liquid in the glass he held. He gathered his wits, looking up to see Duvall watching him with a frown.

  “Come on, Gray,” Elara said. “Tonight there’s something completely different planned.” She indicated an empty round table, and the three headed toward it.

  He grabbed a seat, Elara sitting on his left. His hand itched to hold hers, but he fought the urge. The young ensign working duty took their orders and returned with another round of drinks. Duvall and Elara keyed in dinner options, and finally Grayson let his mind rest as the other two sat quietly, each probably lost in their own private thoughts.