Haven House Read online

  My tummy cramped. Not with hunger but with fear.

  What will become of me?

  On instinct, I turned to look out the window and caught sight of the sheriff climbing the steps. Then the carriage jerked and started moving away from the house on a hiss.

  We entered the glade. I knew Gloriana and Andrew lived in a large house outside town, but I certainly didn’t expect what met my gaze.

  The house was more than the hovel Master had alluded to in his daily “sermons” and classes on the perils of leaving the Haven family, as he called it.

  This building was sprawling. It rose from the ground impressively. Three stories of windows and not a shingle in sight. Here was an imposing structure of rock and wood, sheltered from the prying eyes of town by large trees that gave the effect of a wonderland. The driveway was long and imposing, crushed rock crunching beneath the wheels as we rolled forward at a stately pace. The glass shone bright, and flowers bloomed in carefully ordered beds tended by men with scythes.

  In the distance, I noted other buildings. “Where are we?” I breathed.

  Gloriana took my hand. “This is my home, Amaryllis. Yours too, now. Andrew wanted to come with me, but I held him off. He’s been so worried about you.”

  I knew my brother had wed Gloriana some time back. I’d been informed by Junior in one of his sour moods and had secretly rejoiced that this beautiful woman who’d done so much for the forsaken had found my brother. We’d been poor growing up, but Andrew and I had been close once. Then I’d been passed to Master. After, when Papa’s money came in, my father had made approaches to bring me home. I wouldn’t have known, except I’d been in the front room one day when he saw Master. All those overtures had been ignored, and I’d lost hope that I’d ever be free.

  Until today.

  “But what will I do?” I leaned a little closer to the glass, peering through the gathering gloom.

  “First, you’ll heal.”

  I turned to the woman beside me and frowned. “Heal?”

  “Yes.” She nodded. “You’ve lived a long time in captivity. I doubt anyone has cared for you since you arrived there, and you need time to find who and what you are. Then you’ll need to decide what and who you want to be.”

  Such an odd concept, I thought, but nodded and waited for the carriage to stop under a portico.

  The door opened, and out strode a man. He wasn’t the boy I remembered with gangly arms and legs. No, instead he was strong and muscular, his eyes piercing first me, then Gloriana. “You’ve got her.” A wealth of relief echoed in his voice.

  I clenched my hands because I wanted to run and hug him, but years of training restrained me. Would he bully me into doing his will? Require me to marry immediately? It occurred to me that I no longer knew my brother.

  So many questions and fears crowded in. Perhaps this was what Gloriana spoke of?

  “And just in time too. Let’s go inside and find some food and a bath for Amaryllis. Then we can talk.”

  I didn’t dare speak to Gloriana’s answer; I didn’t know what was expected of me or allowed in this fine household.

  I allowed myself to be ushered inside, and there in the hall, a group of people waited. The female staff were dressed in blue cotton gowns with overlong white aprons, the men in breeches and white shirts with vests. I turned and watched as Gloriana tugged her hatpin free, then removed her hat. Her red hair glinted under the lights, and I felt dirty and unworthy to stand before her. An interloper.

  Andrew came close, his face tight, eyes betraying his concern as I tensed when he reached out. “I’m glad you’re here, Ammy.”

  My eyes pricked with hot tears. It had been years since any family member called me that. I nodded and ducked my head, and he kept his distance, as if he understood I was wary of a male’s touch.

  “I’ll take her upstairs, find some clothes, and Ammy can bathe. If you could arrange for a meal to be prepared in the parlour, then we can talk.” Gloriana spoke over my head, and her words further discommoded me.

  With a gentle hand, she steered me toward the steps and up them. My feet made no sound as I stepped up the deeply carpeted treads to the top. Then she ushered me to the right. The hallway was a dark cherrywood-panelled walk, but lights lit the way. No candles here, unlike at the much older Haven House. Only Master’s and Junior’s rooms were furnished richly, apart from the main living areas; they claimed it was because they required it for their work, but I knew better. They had kept us in the dark because it also ensured we remained cowed.

  I faltered, wondering just how much money Andrew had now as I noted the marble tables that sat between doorways and the heavy scent of roses and lilies.

  “I’m…” What was I trying to say? I couldn’t stay here? Felt uncomfortable?

  “It’s okay,” Gloriana offered, then opened a door into a luxurious room.

  “Your room?” I asked, and she shook her head.

  “This one is all yours. Let’s organise a bath, and I’ll see what clothing I have on hand that may fit you.”

  Gloriana had a slender figure but was taller and with a bust I could only hope for.

  As I turned to thank her for the kindness of a roof over my head and clothing on my body, I realised she’d already left.

  I’d never entered a room like this before. I’d been in both Junior’s and Master’s rooms, but only to oversee the cleaning and the redecoration when they required it. There had been heavy sconces lining the walls with electric lighting, not that I’d ever seen it on. The only light that ever entered those rooms was through windows covered with heavy drapes and shutters.

  It was totally unlike the rooms most of the women lived in, which were long and narrow, lined with double bunks and a row of shared trunks in the middle for clothing. At the end of the room were the ablution stands, with sinks and three long mirrors. Once they were pregnant or had children, they took a two-bedroom suite, featuring a room for the young children and their carer while the mother had a private room. They were small, with room for a narrow bed and crib only and mostly without a window, but the privacy was worth so much to my mind. Only the favoured got windows looking out onto the lawns.

  I jerked into motion, stepping forward and brushing aside the heavy velvet drapes. Beyond lay the forest, a sea of green with the sparkle of the mountain stream in the distance.

  My guts lurched. This was so alien to anything I knew.

  “I can’t—” The contents of my stomach rose to my throat, burning their way up.

  The door opened, and a woman, not much older than me, entered. “I’m Evie. Miss Gloriana sent me with clothing for you.” In her arms lay piles of gowns and skirts, undergarments, and shoes.

  She bustled in and settled the pile on the floor, but not before I heard the telltale whir-whizz sound. I turned. “You’re an automaton?”

  Her lips turned up. “Yes. Fully integrated single leg after amputation at four. Why?”

  In the past, we’d been told automaton implantation was only for the rich and powerful. We’d been starved of such technological improvements in Haven Town, and this young woman was telling me that everything I understood was a lie.

  “I… uh…” Embarrassment flooded through me. “I’m sorry. I should have…”

  She waved my hand away. “Miss Gloriana explained your background to me. Said it would be good for you to meet me so you’d learn about the greater world. Now let me help you bathe. Then I’m to show you downstairs to Master Andrew’s study. They’re organising a light meal for the three of you tonight.”

  Before I knew it, I’d been assisted out of the torn gown. The tub, hidden behind a large screen, bubbled with scented water, and I immersed myself quickly, figuratively scrubbing away years of servitude and poverty. As hard as I scrubbed, though, the memories stuck tight. Tears burned in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall.

  Evie returned just as the water was starting to cool. “Those clothes are being sent back to that place. Now, here’s a nice thick towel to dry yourself with.”

  Rising from the water, I felt the material envelop me. It smelled of lavender and something else, and I took it without a word, rubbing myself dry as I tried to sort through the surprise I felt at the softness of it. In the past, all I’d known was rough and hard-wearing.

  Then Evie thrust a chemise at me, and I tugged it on, followed by the rest of the clothing. She helped with buttons at the back of the gown and placed a pair of slippers on the floor. I slid them on and let her tug a brush through my hair. Every stroke was soothing.

  Looking into the mirror, I realised, not for the first time, that my life had changed. Whether it was for the good, I couldn’t possibly work out yet.

  She tucked my hair into a tidy knot, and I rose, following her to the door. “They prefer to eat early. More often in the summer, they’ll take their dinner outside on the terrace, but tonight they wanted to make sure you’d be comfortable,” Evie explained.

  Comfortable. A strange word choice given the circumstances I currently found myself in.

  I stopped just inside Andrew’s study, his back to me as I entered. Gloriana rose from the small table laid with plates, glasses, and cutlery.

  He must have heard the door close behind me, because he turned, gaze wary as he looked at me. “Ammy, I wish we could have released you earlier.”

  The name he used, both familiar and yet not, filled me with a quivering sensation. One that spoke of fear and hopefulness in equal measure.

  “I…” What was there to say? I couldn’t have saved myself, given the way all the girls were watched and kept indoors.

  Gloriana shushed him, and we settled at the table. We’d regularly sat with Master, yet I felt at sea. They passed the potatoes and the meats, which smelled delicious. I
loved the taste of fowl, though it was rarely served in Haven House. Tonight, the chicken was succulent and served in a creamy sauce. It coated my tongue and tanged a little like citrus before sliding down with almost no effort.

  Andrew remained silent, as did I, and Gloriana soon gave up her attempts at chatter.

  Glasses clinked and metal clanked on the china dishes as I ate.

  By the time the meal was done, I wanted out of the room and away. Solitude had long been my friend, and I anxiously sought it.

  As I rose to clear the dishes, Gloriana reached out. “No, that’s Amelia’s task.”

  The girl who’d slipped within the room moments before stepped up and removed the plates. I remained still, unsure of what to do next.

  Once the table was cleared, Gloriana took my arm, and I followed her, aware that Andrew trailed behind. “We should retire to the salon,” Gloriana cooed.

  The room was spacious and decorated in bright colours of yellow, pink, and light green. The walls were covered with paper that carried sprigs of flowers. In the middle, on a large mat, sat several chairs. The chaise and several armchairs gathered around a squat table. I settled into the single as Gloriana sat on the chaise and Andrew in the armchair beside me.

  “Why?” The word slid from my lips, even though I had tried valiantly to stop just that happening. “Why now?”

  Andrew sighed. “I made representations before, Ammy.” His eyes were wild, as if he’d spent years dealing with pain. He dragged unsteady fingers through his hair, and I watched in surprise.

  “The Haven sect is not welcoming of families once a child has been handed over. We, Father and I, offered him more than he paid for you, but he refused to release you. It didn’t matter what we said. We even attempted the local judge, but he refused. Said we’d given up all rights to you. We tried, Ammy.”

  My stomach knotted at the agony in his voice. What could I say or do to relieve him of this? No words came to me, so I let him talk.

  “Gloriana here, she knew what you were going through. She had a friend, someone within the household who’d monitored you. They warned us that this was coming.”

  An informant. I’d be willing to bet Master and Junior would give their eyeteeth to know who. I’d as soon keep that information under wraps, though. Neither of the men was what you’d call welcoming or accepting of other ideas, and I didn’t owe them any loyalty. I’d only done what was needed to survive.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say.” I honestly didn’t. I could prevaricate, but that would be counterproductive. I wanted to feel some affinity with my brother. I’d yearned for a familial connection. Not that I held what they did against them. We’d been poor. Unable to even pay for the most basic necessities. They’d honestly sought to give me a chance at a life, but no matter how you coated it, the truth was the same.

  I’d been a slave until they’d decided I’d be good enough to become an incubator for their twisted beliefs.

  A shaft of frigid hate slashed at me. Not at Andrew or Gloriana, but at the men who made up the Haven community.

  “I would like to go to bed now.” I kept my voice even because I was struggling to hold in the violent emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

  I saw Andrew glance at Gloriana, saw the wince she gave him back, but I couldn’t hold on any longer. Over ten years of suffering couldn’t be eased this quickly.

  I rose. “Please.” It wasn’t a request.

  Gloriana rose and shook a tiny bell. Evie, the servant who’d helped me dress, entered the room. “Ma’am?”

  “Miss Amaryllis is ready to retire.” Gloriana smiled, though it barely reached her eyes, and I grunted inwardly.

  “Thank you,” I added, more than aware that I hadn’t acted exactly like the perfect… whatever I was.

  I followed Evie out and up the steps. Questions crowded my mind, but none of them had answers I was likely ready to hear, so I ignored them and kept walking up the steps and to the bedroom.

  “This is the switch for the lights, Miss Amaryllis.” She showed me the little brown lever, and I nodded with thanks, noting the clean white nightgown waiting on the bed. Without another word, she unbuttoned the back of the gown I was wearing. I slipped out of it, tugged the light chemise over my head, and released the pins from my hair under Evie’s careful watch.

  “If there’s nothing else, miss?”

  I shook my head. “No. Thank you, Evie.”

  Suddenly, I couldn’t get rid of her quickly enough; the tension inside me was ready to explode. Emotions that threatened to suffocate me if I didn’t give them the release they demanded.

  As if she knew, the girl bobbed a curtsy and left me in the room.

  Just like that, the sobs tore out of me as if I’d popped the cork on a bottle.

  I sank to the floor, hand in mouth, and bit down, because no one must hear me cry. I learned that very early in the “care” of Haven House.

  When the terrible storm passed, I lay there, exhausted, until my eyes closed and sleep claimed me.

  Chapter Two

  I’d been here four days. Long, dragging days of sitting around while Gloriana tried to arrange clothing for me, introduced me to the household, but refused to allow me to assist in the daily duties.

  Unused as I was to leisure, I wandered the gardens, aware I was watched the whole time by gardeners, servants, and even Gloriana and Andrew. On a purely unemotional level, I understood their fear that I might disappear. It occurred to me as a way of escaping the bubble of loss that surrounded me.

  It was hard to explain the intensities of highs and lows to someone who hadn’t experienced and lived as I had.

  Gloriana had been born into it, had escaped of her own free will. I had been bought and paid for.

  Just this morning, Evie had passed on intelligence that curdled my stomach.

  “Miss Gloriana and Master Andrew returned from Haven House late last night.” She’d been placing my clothing into the drawers, and I’d sat on the bed, watching. I wasn’t even allowed to assist with this most basic of tasks.

  “Why were they there?”

  “Returning what they said wasn’t theirs. James, the driver, said they took a small bag of coins. Making rapara… Repair…”

  “Reparation,” I added.

  Evie nodded. “Something like that, yes.”

  I grunted. So, they’d paid back the silver coins that had exchanged hands. Returned the shredded gown. I wanted to tell Evie I’d pay them back, but with what? I’d stewed all morning over the knowledge of what had occurred. I was still a commodity.

  This afternoon, at lunch, Gloriana set me a task. One that seemed utterly pointless to my mind, but it was all she’d asked of me, so I would repay the kindnesses she’d shown me.

  The paints and brushes lay before me. “So, what now?” Peering at the blank canvas, I was sure it mocked me. The dark colours—greys, browns, and blacks—echoed my state of mind.

  No one responded.

  I’d painted as a young girl. It was one of the few things that had brought me joy before I’d been surrendered to that house of horrors, but years had passed since then.

  On a whim, I dipped the brush into the black and slashed at the canvas, then added yellow and red, then rocked back on my heels.

  No, I couldn’t see anything in it. No joy. Nothing. Just muddy, dark colours.

  The urge to throw my brush at the canvas called. A dark urge I would overcome.

  I’d never been an angry person until now.

  Tears of fury and frustration bubbled over, and I turned, looking to see who watched me from the house or the gardens.

  No one.

  Am I brave enough?

  I slid the brush back into the holder, remaining calm, in case anyone was watching me. Then, inhaling deeply, I took the first step, moving across the grass.

  Step. Step. Step.

  Not looking around. Making it seem as if I knew what I was doing with no rush. When I got to the edge of the woods, I reached out, ready to push aside a branch.

  “Going somewhere?”

  A deep, dark voice, reminiscent of chocolate and something more inviting, slid over me like a glove. I turned and gasped when I saw who stood there.